I was sitting here, and then the computer screen went BLANK. I restarted it like 4 times, and then walked away and FINALLY after about a half hour the screen came back on. So I saved all of my files in case my computer dies. Not that I don't have them backed up, but I realized that I hadn't saved the most recent version of a story that I'm working on.

I think I figured out that the reason I have SO MUCH trouble getting to sleep is because there are PEOPLE everywhere. The kitchen is right around the corner from my room, and people stand out there talking. Right now my sister is talking to my dad. It's noisy. I can't get to sleep.

I went from an ok day, to kind of bleah day, and it went downhill really fast the last hour or so.

I wish I knew what the problem was. When the heck do I start feeling like I'm home? I certainly don't right now. I feel like I don't belong here, and I hate being here, living at home again with people going in and out and just people all the time and nobody acts like I live here so it's basically like I'm not and it's really frustrating and not worth it just to save up money.

Oh, and my job? Yeah, is sucking. So many things that are so annoying and I'm too tired to go into it but things are both better than the old place and worse. I HATE being the new person. I KNOW what I'm doing...I wish they'd just treat me like I do already! What the hell do I have to do to prove it, and why does everyone else keep sabotaging me? Oh wait, I know. Because I'm showing them up! In the 3 weeks since I've been there, I've done better than all of them. So yeah, I DO know what I'm doing!

And you know what else is frustrating and it shouldn't be? Suddenly, all these people are coming out of the woodwork wanting to hang out and visit, and asking how I've been, and wanting to know everything and I hate it so much!!! I haven't even talked with these people for months and months and months, and all I want to do is be in my OWN apartment, with my OWN tv off (for once! Why in the world does it have to be ON all the time!?!) with my OWN clean bathroom!!! Not one that I have to share with anyone other than the cat! And I'm not even sharing it with the cat right now, they didn't want the litter box in there so the litter box is at the foot of my bed and it is so COLD because no one else in my family is cold because I've been living in ten degree warmer weather for the last year and I didn't bring any sweaters with me and I worry about the pigs and the cat being too cold every single night. I can't do this! I so cannot do this. And I don't know why. This is so rediculously hard, I should not be sitting here crying at 11:30 at night because there is a litter box in my bedroom and my friends want to hang out.

Uuuhhhh!!!



I think I'm just going to go try to crawl into bed and maybe I'll have a happy dream, where it's just me running through a big open field

Sorry things are so hard for you right now, hon. I do hope things improve for you both at home and at work. I can only imagine what you're going through with the big adjustment. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.